Cruel, isn’t it? As the world twirling I
asked to those who would listen. It does feel amazing when you know what to do.
Unlike some people who couldn’t even realize what they are belong to or capable
of, me, for example, still haven’t figured what’s best for myself. As the fan
spin around what could possibly I do in my own room?
It’s not much I suppose, a slightly
queen sized bed though I sleep alone. All there is left in the cooler. Silent voice
inside all over the room puts everything into my disturbed thoughts. I know yet
don’t know what I’m capable of. Why it would happen anyway?
All of the thought, makes the stomach
rumbling on its own. Mom should have put something in the cabinet, if not going
out again to grab some meal. She rarely cooks but I love her cooks. I would say
the best if there are no other chef in the world. Unfortunately, it’s a left
over night, dad’s coming home late and mom doesn’t cook. She lost her
motivation to cook today. If something happens to change her mind I would have
done it.
It doesn’t feel right thinking those
things with an empty stomach. I would have been laughing all the time. Stand alone
in the middle of nowhere. Wishing that the song of empire state of mind doesn’t
happen at all. What could possibly go wrong? I do know I should have paid
attention to my weight complexity. I can’t help it. I do have some feast
whenever the stress come. I did feel stressed whatsoever for some of these
days. Not because what I’m doing. It is because I no longer know what I’m
supposed to do.
I hate taking pictures of myself. It only
brings back unhappy memories. I just can’t imagine I finally got through all of
those horrors. It was a horrifying three years of my life. Three years without
any recognition was all I get. I did want to be recognized, I always did. What did
I do wrong? I made a genuine relationship to all people I met, I studied till
my brain capacity is overweight, and I let myself be involved in a school
activity. Such things won’t change the way it is. I tried everything but it was
no use and nothing would change it for the rest of my life.
It’s all over now.
I have finished the three years of ignorance inside a school. No possibility
for me to regret what I have been through. Tomorrow I will face them one more
time to say goodbye. It’s not like I am happy finally leaving them for the rest
of my life. I just can’t help smiling instead of crying. A question comes
across to my mind; will I ever be the most cruelest person in the whole world?
- Nova Saputra -
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